• Zarmina Penner

Using Conflicts as a Handy Tool to Develop Yourself

Aktualisiert: 20. Dez 2020

If you have a conflict that is bothersome and draining energy, grab it by the horns and take a hard look at it. Instead of feeling it out, and talking about it with others, calm down and analyze it first. Use logic. Later you can deal with the feelings.


In every conflict, you will have three relevant aspects to look at:

1) yourself and your contribution

2) the context in which the altercation took place and its contribution

3) the other person and their contribution


Instead of immediately focusing on the other person only and pushing blame onto them, go through each of the three steps.


Here are some clues:

  • If you are sad and tearful, and feel the pain strongly, look at your self deeply. The conflict is pointing to an old unresolved issue inside you.

  • If you feel powerless to change anything, the context is potentially also contributing to the conflict somehow.

  • If you feel angry, but energized to fight back, then there is a high chance that the other person has overstepped your boundary. Or you may have forgotten to set your limits with them.


Most conflicts are a mixture.


Go through each step diligently and sequentially. Don't act before you have the complete story sorted out. Then take careful steps to change what you can and leave the rest. Meditate on any bad feeling you may still have and dissolve it. Don't burn bridges. At least, try not to.


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